In conversation with tarot-reader Kait Fowlie.
How is self-pleasure a form of self-care? Self-care is so much about pleasure. If I’m trying to force myself to do things that don’t feel good, that’s not caring for myself. Pleasure is something I prioritize in my life as something that is good for me. It took a long time for me to teach my body and my brain that it’s good to feel good. I think about this quote: all acts of love and pleasure are my rituals. It’s the simple act of bringing more intention to something you love, whether that’s eating a nice meal or having a glass of wine. If you’re bringing your whole awareness to it, that’s pleasure.
This time has been referred to as The Great Pause, and for me, it feels like we’re steeping in feminine energy, which is slow and intentional. It took this to get us to slow down. When I say masculine energy, I’m not saying that it’s a negative, but it feels like we have a chance to reinstate some balance right now because we have been forced to slow down. By eliminating that manic tendency towards output, creativity can flourish. Where the masculine energy tends to burst forth towards a goal, we quite literally do not know when this will end, so the feminine is asking us to be in the journey, and to explore what’s possible now without an endpoint. That is also true of the female orgasm or living an orgasmic life, which is discovery and creation, and uncertainty -- not in the way we’ve been conditioned to see uncertainty, as a deviation from a goal, but a moment that is about possibility and potential because you don’t know what will happen next. How has your sexual journey unfolded and what is your relationship like with your pleasure and your sexuality today?
I mean, right now I have the most lit sex life living at my parent’s house [*said sarcastically]. Something I’m really curious about right now and what I’m enjoying is sexting and intellectual stimulation. There is a real opportunity at this time to focus on our brain as an erogenous zone. It’s kind of an exciting way to explore my sexuality. I think of my sexuality as an extension of myself as a creative person. It’s a beautiful way for me to express my love. It took me a long time to make peace with my sexuality and accept myself as someone who doesn’t have labels. I think we’re living in a supportive time for people who see themselves as gender-fluid, and it can also be overwhelming to be swimming in a sea of possibility. Finding your footing in that means accepting yourself.
What happens when people accept themselves, as in, their desires and sexuality?
It’s easy to feel like losing control is a bad thing. That’s the beauty of embracing your divine feminine. I think of it as an extension of nature. Nature doesn’t have a set structure. It’s beautiful and it does what it’s supposed to do. I guess sometimes it spins out of control.
But only out of control by our standards?
So true. I think the elements work together and need the other. The moon follows the same cycle and the sun always rises. When we embrace ourselves as an extension of nature, we no longer need to fear our power. It’s an important part of my spiritual practice to spend time outside, to meditate, and remind myself there is a part of me connected to that cycle, and another part that’s a thinker. We have to balance those parts of ourselves; that’s our human mission.
Kait Fowlie is a Toronto-based tarot-reader / teacher and reiki practitioner who holds space for others to heal and grow. When she's not reading tarot and leading moon rituals, she is teaching tarot through her online school, Curio Tarot School.